


Faded

by IAmAshamedOfMyFanfics (faraandmera)



Series: Skin Deep Reality AU (Oneshot Collection) [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comfort, Friendship, M/M, Romance, Some angst, jongdae is just mentioned, so thats mentioned as well as bullying, where verbal abuse causes physical wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 12:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8445991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faraandmera/pseuds/IAmAshamedOfMyFanfics
Summary: While Baekhyung’s skin is covered in harsh words others have said about him, his new roommate has bare arms.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Tumbler Version: iamashamedofmyfanfics.tumblr.com/post/152612505735/faded
> 
> this was months of work and ended up much longer than i expected, so i felt i needed to share it in all of the places. which means just here and tumblr.

Sixty years before Baekhyun was born something strange happened. Suddenly harsh words started causing physical scars. Though it’s been many years since, no one knows why or how this happens yet. It’s just sort of something everyone accepted. People continue to search for answers, to no avail. In turn, people try to make it a crime to do this, but controlling someones words has always been hard. It’s not like someone can prove the person they say caused the scars actually did, more often than not. People tend to assume others deserve it anyway. Because people, Baekhyun thinks, can be awful.

Baekhyun grows up in a world where your words are very important. Where everything you say could possibly hurt someone to the core and scar their skin. Though Baekhyun tries hard not to hurt anyone- guilt from accidental wounds he’s caused always settling in his chest- the same can’t always be said for others.

The skin that covers Baekhyun’s body is full of scars. Words from people with less care for what they cause someone. They can’t get in trouble for it, so the results of it don’t matter to them.

There’s an accidental scar, faded and barely visible if you don’t look closely, over his left wrist. The word ‘stupid’ the same as the one on his best friend. They’d argued when they were very young and accidentally caused a permanent reminder for each of them.

Most of his scars, though, are words people meant. Whether or not they meant for him to hear the words, for them to actually cause scars, doesn’t stop the fact they meant the words when they said them.

From his right shoulder to his right elbow, in jagged font, is the word ‘annoying’. It’s bright and red. Every time Baekhyun thinks it will fade, it comes back. Over his lower back is the word ‘useless’ in pretty, curvy font. On his mid back are two version of ‘worthless’ in two different fonts. Over his side and ribs is a large ‘loud’ in all capital letters, English. He’s pretty sure the person who said it doesn’t even speak English.

Those are easier to ignore most of the time, always hidden from view, harder to see. Then there are words on his forearms and legs. He has no scars bellow his knees or above his neck. There’s a faded scar over his collar bone but he got lucky enough to have nothing he couldn’t hide from others.

Baekhyun isn’t ashamed of the scars. Words other people said in bitterness and hate aren’t something Baekhyun is ashamed of. No, he just doesn’t need more reminders. Doesn’t want to constantly be reminded about what people think are his flaws. So he wears long sleeves- over sized sweaters are good excuses in the winter, as are layers- and pretends they don’t bother him.

It’s when Baekhyun is young that he wants to be a performer. When he’s older people tell him that it’s hard to become one, if you have too many scars. Too much work for someone to hide every time you’re on stage. So instead of immediately trying to do that, he goes to college. Figures it wont be too late, later, while silently thinking it will be.

The college he gets into has really nice dorms. They’re pretty big even though they’re only shared between two people, and have a small kitchen-like area. Two desks and a bunk bed sit across from each other opposite the door and to the right of the door when you enter is a counter. Behind which there’s a kitchen area. A door between the kitchen area- right next to the small fridge- and the desks leads to a bathroom.

This is what Baekhyun is greeted with when he arrives. It’s empty, the desks are blank, sheets on the beds the ones every dorm has to start with, and the fridge is empty. So Baekhyun realizes he must be the first one to arrive. Whoever he’s sharing the dorm with doesn’t arrive while Baekhyun claims the top bunk- because he’s always wondered what that’s like- or while he sets his stuff up on one of the desks.

It’s when Baekhyun considers leaving for a while- even though he wanted to meet his dorm-mate before leaving the dorm- that they show up.

“Oh, Hello.” They bow to him and Baekhyun returns the gesture.

“Hi.” Baekhyun smiles, shakes their hands, and points to the beds. “I hope it’s okay I took the top?”

“That’s fine,” They say, returning the smile and dropping a bag onto the bottom bunk.

“I’m Baekhyun, by the way. Figure we should know each others names since we’re living together.”

“Yixing.”

Yixing is a handsome man, Baekhyun takes in his appearance. Posture is just slightly lacking confidence, but everyone once in a while Yixing straightens himself up like he realizes it. His features are smooth and- Baekhyun can’t help but notice- his arms bare. Baekhyun looks away, idly running a hand over his forearm, before turning to the door.

“Well I’m going to look around campus, figure out were stuff is, see you later.” There’s no chance for Yixing to respond before Baekhyun is out of the door.

He tires, he really does, not to let it bother him. That people have been so cruel to him, yet there are people out there with almost no scars. It’s not their fault people like them, it’s a good thing. Baekhyun can’t help but wonder if he’s a bad person. If he deserves all the verbal abuse.

 _No,_ he reminds himself as he wonder the campus. That’s not true; he can’t think like that. No one deserves to be treated badly. No one deserves their very being to be insulted and criticized. There was no point to thinking like that. He hadn’t done nearly anything bad enough to deserve it. It wasn’t his fault.

When Baekhyun returns to his dorm the sun has fallen from view and Yixing is already asleep. With a soft sigh Baekhyun makes his way up the ladder to his bed and stares up at the ceiling. He has classes are in a few hours, he realizes setting an alarm. He closes his eyes and hopes to get enough sleep to focus.

To make things easier, in theory, Baekhyun has all the required classes on one day and the classes he’s actually signed up for on others. So his first day is entirely required classes.

When Baekhyun wakes it’s to the sounds of both his and Yixing’s alarms mixing. With a groan he sits up- narrowly avoiding hitting his head- and tosses his blankets off. It’s with another second he realizes his alarm- his phone- was on his bed as well and fell off when he did so. Yixing makes a startled noise and there’s a crash from Baekhyun’s phone hitting the ground.

“Sorry.” Baekhyun calls down. “Can you turn that off?”

“It’s okay.” While Baekhyun climbs down both his and Yixing’s alarms turn off.

“Thanks.” Baekhyun offers a smile- apologetic, though he’s not sure that shows well enough- and takes his phone when Yixing hands it over. It’s not broken, at least.

“No problem.” Yixing glances shortly at Baekhyun’s arm before turning he attention to his things, looking for what he needs for the day. Baekhyun looks down at his own arm- only the faded ‘stupid’ is visible- and frowns.

Shaking his head, Baekhyun goes to his own things, getting ready for the day.

The day is pretty uneventful. Baekhyun meet his teachers- professors, he reminds himself- and doesn’t even get lost once. It’s easier, he thinks, that there’s no period of ‘let’s all get to know each other’ forced upon them. Not that Baekhyun minds those, but either he has too much to say or not enough. Baekhyun was never great at finding middle grounds.

Baekhyun is on his way back to his last class, coffee in hand and frown on his face, when someone runs into him. It’s not that big a deal, even if warm coffee covers his torso, but with a frown Baekhyun decides to run back to his dorm. He has time, Baekhyun tells himself.

When he rushes into the dorm it looks empty and first glance, so he throws his sweater off and reaches for another to replace the coffee-ridden one. It’s a gasp that reminds him there’s a bathroom he hadn’t at all checked. With a startled noise Baekhyun shoves the sweater over his head and spins around.

“Yixing?”

“Your back-”

“Sorry. I’ve got class.” Baekhyun picks back up his bag and rushes out of the room without waiting for a response. Sure, he knew he wouldn’t be able to hide his scars from someone he shares a room with forever. But day one? Baekhyun thought he could last longer than that.

Anxiety claws at his chest, pounding in his lungs when he thinks about it. He wasn’t ashamed, Baekhyun reminds himself. It wasn’t his fault those words were carved in his skin. But it hurts. _They_ hurt. Someone knowing everything other people think is wrong with him hurts.

Baekhyun avoids going back to his dorm until he’s too tired to avoid it any longer. Yixing is already in bed, asleep. With a small sigh of relief Baekhyun crawls up to his bed and tries to sleep.

He does sleep, but dreams have a tendency to remind you of your thoughts of the day. If they make sense at all.

Baekhyun dreams of being a kid.

When Baekhyun was nine he had a best friend- they’re still friends- who he loved dearly. They were inseparable. Baekhyun fought with Chanyeol over something even his subconscious can’t seem to find. The reason doesn’t matter; their words do.

“You’re stupid!” Baekhyun yells. The words can’t be caught no matter how much he wants to stop them. Chanyeol flinches, clutches his wrist. _Stupid._ The word is bright, red, stinging on his skin and Baekhyun cries. He’s sorry. _He’s so sorry._ “I’m sorry.”

Days later Baekhyun asks Chanyeol to return the favor. “If you call me stupid we’ll be even.” But the idea only goes so far.

“You’re stupid.” Chanyeols words don’t have the force behind them. He’s not angry. Baekhyuns’ skin burns, his wrist etched with the word. It’s pink and faded already, barely feels like it’s there. Baekhyun cries. He’s sorry. He’s so sorry.

_He made a mistake._

Baekhyun shoots up at the sound his alarm again, his phone falls again. Baekhyun buries his face in his hands and gasps. “Sorry.”

His alarm is turned off, as is Yixing’s. There’s shifting and Baekhyun looks over when his phone is set on his bed. “Good morning.”

“Yeah. Good morning.” Baekhyun repeats Yixing’s words back at him. Neither mention Baekhyuns’ scars, and that’s for the best. Neither say anything at all as they get ready for the day. “When’s your last class for the day?”

They’re on their way out of the dorm when Baekhyun asks. Yixing pauses, blinks, then responds. “Around noon.”

“Want to get lunch?”

“Sure.” Yixing nods, smiles. “Where?”

Baekhyun attends class with a lighter heart than the day before.

Yixing is nice, Baekhyun realizes. That’s probably why his arms are bare. Baekhyun can’t find any way someone could insult the other. Surely Yixing isn’t perfect, but Baekhyun finds it hard to see anything worth insulting.

Within the first weeks of knowing each other, they spend a lot of time together. Usually they have lunch together, discuss their classes- Yixing is going to be a doctor- and it’s nice. Yixing is nice. His words are carefully chosen most of the time. Slow, careful. Baekhyun tends to blurt out his thoughts and wish he could take half of them back.

“It’s only the third week and I already think I’m failing.” Baekhyun groans, throws himself over his desk, while Yixing laughs from behind him on his own bed.

“Try harder?”

“How do you stay motivated? I’m already exhausted.”

“Bitterness and spite.”

“What?” Baekhyun laughs. “You’re bitter?”

“We’ll see who can’t become a doctor,” Yixing is muttering, probably to himself, and Baekhyun can hear an ‘asshole’ under Yixing’s breath. Baekhyun laughs again, leans back in his seat and spins around to face Yixing. Yixing is sitting- legs crossed- on his bed with a textbook in his lap.

“I haven’t you known you that long, but I think you can do it.”

“Thanks.” Yixing smiles, leans back against the wall. “What are you majoring in, anyway?”

“I…” Baekhyun sighs. “Don’t know yet.”

“Oh.”

“I actually wanted to perform. But…” Baekhyun shrugs, hand reaching up to run over the hidden scars on his skin.

“Oh.” Yixing pauses. “Yeah I get that.”

“Do you?” Baekhyun doesn’t mean the words to come out harshly, but they do.

“Yeah, sort of.” Yixing shifts, uncomfortably.

“Well… here we are anyway.”

Baekhyun doesn’t fail his first test but he feels like he did. Hours of studying and no missed days make the, barely passing, score sting. Baekhyun slams the door when he returns to his dorm. _Bitterness, huh?_ Baekhyun wishes he had more of that.

No, he’s plenty bitter. At himself; for not doing better. When he sleeps that day, his subconscious decides to remind him even further of his failures.

When Baekhyun was twelve he broke something important of his neighbors. Said neighbor screeched in surprise, anger, and horror when Baekhyun- a guest alongside his parents in the house- knocked over an important object. Later Baekhyun thinks it was a vase, but isn’t certain.

“You w-” They bite their tongue, sigh, and leave the room to find a broom. Baekhyun’s parents tell him to apologize, so he follows them with the intention of doing so. He overhears, “Worthless kid,” muttered under their breath and his back burns.

Baekhyun cries, arms wrap around himself to try and reach it. They gasp, find Baekhyun having overheard the words, can see the result, and look as horrified as Baekhyun is scared. _Worthless._ Baekhyun cries even after he gets home. He’d made a mistake. But was that worth it? Did he deserve it?

Baekhyun is still twelve when his neighbor apologizes. Baekhyun avoids them, though. Their kid- his age and with a permanent frown- glares at him every time they see each other. Shows his teeth when Baekhyun speaks.

“You’re such a rat!” Rat? Baekhyun doesn’t understand. “You’re gross! Crying just because someone said something! You shouldn’t listen when they aren’t talking to you.”

Gross is sloppily written on his left thigh, facing outward so its upside down to him. Angry and red. Baekhyun cries. Had he made a mistake? Was it his fault?

_It wasn’t his fault._

Baekhyun groans when the sound his alarm pounds in his head. Shuts it off without getting up. Yixing’s alarm is turned off a second later and Baekhyun can hear Yixing get up.

“Are you not getting up?”

“Don’t feel like it.” Baekhyun stares up at the ceiling. There’s shuffling, Yixing getting ready probably, and Baekhyun sighs. Rolling over, Baekhyun glances over the railing of his bed and realizes something. If Yixing has scars its possible Baekhyun just had never seen them. In fact, he probably hasn’t. Is there anyone who actually has none?

 _Gross._ Baekhyun traces the word with his hand. _Stupid._ Baekhyun looks at the word with a frown. _Worthless._ The word burns on his back even now.

“Yixing?”

“Yes?”

“Do you… have scars?” A pause. Silence. Baekhyun sighs. “No, never mind.”

“Yes.” Yixing moves, Baekhyun stares at his ceiling again. “Doesn’t everyone?”

“I guess so.”

Baekhyun doesn’t go to class that day.

He knows he can’t avoid classes every time he has a bad dream or is somewhat upset. Not if he wants to pass. But one day. He can skip one day. It’s after he’s missed his third class for the day that he falls asleep again.

When Baekhyun wakes up again its night and he knows he wont be able to get proper sleep for the next day of classes. So he gets out of bed, turn the light on his desk on- glances to make sure Yixing isn’t woken up- and studies.

A few hours later Yixing does wake up- to the sound of his alarm- and Baekhyun spins to face him.

“Morning.”

“You’re already up.”

“Yep.”

“Good morning.” Yixing yawns, shifts, and Baekhyun turns back to his books when Yixing starts getting ready for the day. Baekhyun does go to class that day

Once all of Baekhyun’s classes for the day are over he considers calling Chanyeol. It’d been a while since they’d spoken. An hour later he decides to do just that.

“Hey,” Chanyeols greets.

“Hey.” Baekhyun hears shifting but ignores it. “How are things?”

“Is that why you called me? They’re fine, mostly. What’s up?”

“Nothing? Bored mostly. Hating classes.”

“So the same as high school?”

“Pretty much. Except now I can’t bother you every time I want a distraction.”

“Ha!” Chanyeol huffs. “Is that all I am? I’m hurt.”

“No. You also let me raid your fridge.”

“Whatever.”

“How’s stuff there, though? I mean like, got any hot classmates? Or dorm-mates?”

“You’re projecting.”

“What?”

“Is your roommate hot?”

“Totally,” Baekhyun laughs. “But that’s not important.”

“I didn’t tell you? I’m sharing a dorm with Jongdae.”

“Seriously?”

“So the answer is yes.”

“I’m telling him you said that.”

“I’ll hurt you.”

“Will you though?”

“No, but I might cry.”

“…Fine.”

Baekhyun feels at ease by the time he’s back to doing schoolwork. Talking to a friend, especially one you’d had for so long, brought a specific sense of comfort that Baekhyun probably really needed.

It’s another hour after his conversation- while he’s back to studying to occupy his time- that Yixing comes back.

“Welcome back,” Baekhyun greets, smiling. Yixing, in turn, gives a halfhearted smile. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” Yixing nods, dropping his bag on the floor and flopping onto his bed. Starring up at the bed above him, Yixing sighs. “You ever feel like people think badly of you, even though they don’t say it?”

“They usually say it to me. Why?”

“Nothing.”

“Yixing,” Baekhyung starts, frowning, “If they do they’re dumb, anyway. It’s not your job to meet anyone else’s standards.”

“You’re right.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“Me? Right? This is a brand new feeling. I better mark the calender.”

“Are you not usually?”

“My ideas are usually pretty… bad. It’s a pretty long-running joke among my friends that I’m hardly right about things.”

“Well, you’re an adult now. You can be right about things.”

“Thanks.”

When Baekhyun was younger, he’d had a lot of trouble with volume control. Baekhyun knows he still does, but it was worse then. In order to mock him, in order to get him to shut up, another kid had all but screamed that he was loud in his face.

Baekhyun dreams of that. Baekhyun doesn’t speak much the next day. No middle ground, he thinks, realizing he’s just going to another extreme.

Upon returning to his dorm, Baekhyun realizes Yixing is back. If the bag on Yixing’s bed is any evidence. That and the sound of running water. Baekhyun throws his own bag onto his own bed, before moving to the kitchen area in search of coffee. Water stops, and minutes pass while Baekhyun makes himself coffee.

In all honesty he should expect the situation, but somehow he’s still surprised when Yixing comes through the door shirtless. Surprising him enough to make a squawking noise and trip face-first into the counter next to him. Which causes a startled noise from Yixing.

“Oh my- are you okay?”

“Perfect.” Baekhyun sets his arms on the counter and buries his face into them. “Just great.”

“Baekhyun.” Yixing sounds amused, moving towards him and helping Baekhyun stand properly. Once he’s looked up, Yixing laughs tries to cover it up with his hand.

“Oh god what happened to me?”

“Nothing, nothing. You’ll probably bruise, though.” Yixing points to his forehead and Baekhyun puts a hand to his own. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says, nodding. Yixing nods in response, and makes his way across the dorm, presumably to get dressed. Baekhyun, despite himself, finds himself looking at Yixing’s back for words.

 _Stupid._ It’s trailing, curving around and up his back. Baekhyun looks away, as soon as he realizes it, back to his coffee. It feels invasive, to see someone else’s scars, yet Baekhyun wonders if that’s the only one. Sighing, Baekhyun grabs his forehead. He feels guilty. Not just because of that, but also because he’s relieved. Seeing a word used against him carved into someone else’s skin is relieving.

Baekhyun feels sick to his stomach and tosses out his coffee.

The thoughts are unwanted. Feeling relieved about something like that is unwanted. Baekhyung doesn’t want to see someone else’s scars as something to be relieved about.

Baekhyun texts Chanyeol, simply, asking if he’d ever felt that.

 _‘Sometimes you want to know that it’s not just you.’_ Chanyeol replies, hours after Baekhyun’s initial message.

Sometimes, you just want to know it’s not only you. Baekhyun sighs, starring up at the ceiling from where he lay, unable to sleep. Sometimes you want to know, you’re not the only one others have hurt. Not the only one they say these things about it. Baekhyun holds up his arm, looking at the ‘stupid’ on his wrist.

The word hadn’t been meant, the scar held no weight. Baekhyun drops his hand onto his right knee. _Stupid._ Carved in swirly font on his knee, faded like the one on his wrist but it holds more weight. _Was_ meant. Baekhyun never has to look at that one, pretends to forget it.

Baekhyun is sixteen when he fails an important test. His friends laugh, pat him on the back, tell him it’s okay. His grades are still going to be okay. Another student isn’t as kind. Another student, who’s cruel to most everyone, tells Baekhyun he’s _stupid._ Baekhyun grits his teeth, refuses to acknowledge the pain of the word etching itself into his leg.

Baekhyun rolls out of bed a minute before his alarm goes off, thinking about the word stupid.

The more time Baekhyun spends with Yixing, the more he just can’t figure it out. In what way did anyway see Yixing as stupid? In what way was anyone capable of thinking, let alone believing it?

“Yesterday my, ah,” Yixing pauses, “classmate asked me how hard our work was and I gave her a really long explanation in the wrong language because I’d just gotten off the phone with my mom.”

“To be fair, languages are hard. I mess up speaking one language.”

“I know.”

“…That languages are hard or that I mess up?”

“Both.”

“Rude.”

“But you said it.”

A pause. “Still rude.”

“You’re rude.”

“Oh no, you got me,” Baekhyun clutches his chest, for dramatic effect, “my deep dark secret is out. I’m rude.”

“I can’t believe this.” Yixing shakes his head. “My own dorm-mate, rude.”

“Please, don’t leave me, I can change.”

“It’s too late, the damage is done.”

“No!” Baekhyun collapses onto the ground. After a pause Yixing laughs and in turn Baekhyun joins him. “This got out of hand.”

“No, this seems about right.”

“I should act.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Huh?”

“You weren’t actually very convincing.”

“You wound me.”

“I’m a- future- doctor.”

“That’s good. I’m gonna need one.” Baekhyun sits up, grinning, then stops. “Wait this is going down a path I didn’t mean for it to.”

“I feel like I don’t want to know what you mean.”

“I feel like you might be correct.”

Baekhyun is a curious person, but he’s also not great at asking things properly. So he doesn’t ask. Even though he wants to ask more about Yixing’s scars, even though he wants to ask more about Yixing in general, he doesn’t ask.

Yixing does.

“Baekhyun.”

‘Yeah?”

“Do your… do they bother you?”

“The scars?” Baekhyun leans over the railing of his bed, looking down as where Yixing sits at his desk. “A little.”

“Do the words?” At first, Baekhyun doesn’t know what the difference is supposed to be. What was the difference between being bothered by the scars and by the words? Then it hits him.

“Some of them, yeah, a lot.” Having scars bothers him, but only a little. The words, the memories, the meaning’s behind them, they bother him a lot. “Do… yours?”

“The scars do. The words… not as much now.”

“Can I… show you something?”

“Sure?”

Baekhyun climbs down from his bunk, then plops down to sit on Yixing’s bed. Yixing, himself, turns around in his chair to face Baekhyun. He tilts his head, questioning, while Baekhyun rolls up the legs of his shorts to reveal most of his thighs. The words are so obvious, Yixing can easily read most of them from where he is.

“This one’s from a stranger,” Baekhyun points to one, then the next. “This one from a kid on my class senior year. Next to it is from my aunt, she didn’t realize I could hear her. This one is from a neighbor. And here is from a classmate who said terrible things to like, everyone in our class.”

“You…” Yixing frowns, whispers as if he’s unsure if he actually wants Baekhyun to hear. “There’s so many.”

“And this,” Baekhyun rolls up his right sleeve, showing off the faded word. “I asked my friend to give me. I’d… accidentally scared him, so I asked him to say the same thing to me. No one felt any better because of it.”

“You don’t… have to show me them.” Yixing’s words are soft. He stands, makes his way over and sits next to Baekhyun. Though he hadn’t realized it, Baekhyun is shaking.

“I know that. I just…” Baekhyun sighs. “Nobody talks about them. Nobody wants to, I know that, but we just… ignore it. All the time. Every ignores it like they don’t hurt or like they don’t make us sad. Or like we don’t know they’re true.”

“They aren’t.”

“Yours aren’t.” Baekhyun doesn’t mean for how harsh the words come out, but Yixing doesn’t really seem bothered. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“You saw my back, right? Annoying, worthless, useless. There’s a ‘loud’ over here,” Baekhyun places his hand over the side of his ribs, “you know?”

“They’re not.” Yixing shakes his head, places a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “They’re not true.”

“Yours bother you, don’t they? Then why? If they aren’t true, then why?”

“I’m not happy people have thought or said that, but I’ve worked too hard to make myself believe they aren’t right that I refuse to think any differently. What bothers me… I can’t get rid of them. Cruel people have permanently marked my skin with words that I don’t even believe.”

“I don’t mind having scars.” Baekhyun sighs, suddenly feeling exhausted. His instinct is to lean, so he does, into the hand on his shoulder. “I mind that they still hurt. I don’t… want to believe them. I try so hard not to.”

“But you still do?” Yixing wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling Baekhyun closer. “It took me a lot of years and a little help to stop thinking they were true.”

“Ah, so I just need more time.”

“Exactly.”

“Hey, you know what?”

“Huh?”

“You’ll make a good doctor. You’re very reassuring.”

“Well thank you.” Yixing smiles. “As you’re totally-legitimate-doctor, I think you look like you need some rest.”

“Oh?” Baekhyun laughs. “I can’t argue with the very-real-don’t-check-for-a-license-doctor, now can I?”

“Exactly.” Yixing pauses. “Seriously don’t ask for a license. I don’t know if you know this, but my practicing medicine isn’t legal yet.”

“No!” Baekhyun gasps. “You? Not a real doctor? You’re breaking my heart here. When will the lies end?”

“In a few years when I am a real doctor.”

“That’s a lot of years of lying.”

The next day Yixing shares his own scars. Though, Baekhyun already knows about the one, there’s also an offensive word that Baekhyun blanches at the sight of on the back of Yixing’s left leg. Both, Baekhyung learns, are from the same person.

“A cruel old man who was taking a course at the college I went to before this.”

“Sounds like sort of the worst kind of person.”

“He was.” Yixing nods. “I have a few faded scars from when I was a child. Dumb, weak, terrible. Most of them are from other kids upset about losing games.”

“I don’t know why but… even though you have a pretty average number of scars, it seems like you have too many.”

“Isn’t any too many?” Yixing tilts his head.

“For you specifically, yes.”

“What?”

“Never mind.” Baekhyun shakes his head. “You’re right.”

Baekhyun decides that, until he can truly believe that they aren’t true, he’s going to just ignore his scars. Completely. Focus on other things, lets some of the more faded ones be visible. Just, not think about them. He distracts himself with other things, school work, Yixing, food, Yixing, the inevitability of death, Yixing.

_Maybe he has a problem._

“Chanyeol help me my roommate is hot.” Baekhyun’s whining gets a laugh in response. Though Chanyeol can’t see him, Baekhyun glares at the phone.

“Same.”

“Okay, let me rephrase. I have a crush on mine!”

"That’s rough.”

“I hate you.”

“That’s not how you get someone to help you.”

“You wont help anyway.”

“Then why’d you call me?”

“We’re friends!”

“Okay, okay. So how is this a problem?”

“Because!” Baekhyun thinks ‘because’ is a good enough reason, but Chanyeol scoffs in response. “I’m dying.”

“Didn’t you say your roommate was going to be a doctor? He’ll be more help than me.”

“Don’t do this to me.”

“Just say ‘hey yo-’ wait what’s his name?”

“Yixing.”

“’Hey, yo, Yixing let’s date and kiss and stuff.’ What could go wrong?”

“All of the everything.”

“That wasn’t grammar.”

“You’re not grammar.”

“Ouch, man, that hurts.” Chanyeol laughs. “Just tell him, seriously. From what you’ve said he’s probably a nice guy who wont be weird about it if he rejects you.”

The annoyed noise Baekhyun gives is met with laughter.

Long before Baekhyun was born, harsh words started to cause physical wounds. In Baekhyun life, he found him gaining more and more of those scars. The faded imprint of ‘stupid’ on his wrist mocks him with his current thoughts.

He’s being stupid, he tells himself. There’s no reason to fear talking to Yixing, of all people.

With a deep breath, Baekhyun decides to tell Yixing the truth. Simple words, ‘I like you,’ and then he can move past this in one way or another. All he has to do is be simple and subtly bring it up.

“Yixing I like you a lot!” Baekhyun blurts out as he opens the door to their shared dorm. There’s a pause, Yixing spins around in his seat, eyebrow raised.

“I’m sorry?”

“Uh.”

“You.. like me?”

“Yep.” Baekhyun wants to sink into the floor, disappear along with his shame. So much for subtly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize!” Yixing’s face reddens, suddenly looking flustered. “I like you too!”

“Oh.”

“Um, yes, oh.”

“Cool.” Baekhyun nods. “I didn’t plan for this.”

Yixing stands, shifts weight between his legs, and opens his arms. “Hug me?”

“Yes, good, I can do that.” Baekhyun all but throws himself into Yixing’s arms, soaking in the warmth of the other. “You like me?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not… annoying?”

“No.”

“Cool.”

“So are we… dating?”

“I sure hope so. Or else me never letting you out of this hug would be real weird.”

“I think it’s still weird?” Yixing laughs. “Well, after a while it would be.”

“No. This seems fine. How’s a two year long hug sound?”

“Impractical.”

“I would have said ideal.”

“You don’t have class in twenty minutes.”

“Fair.”

Baekhyun smiles, laughs, is happy. It’s easier to distract himself from the myriad of scars on his skin when he was such a clear and willing distraction sharing a dorm with him.

“Really, Baekhyun, I have class.”

“Fine, fine.”

“You haven’t let go.”

“Oh I just meant I would come with you.”

“No.”


End file.
